I celebrated my 35th birthday yesterday, which was pretty much a non-event. As far as I know, there's aren't too many more doors that open to you that don't at 34. (Skimming wikipedia briefly, it appears as though I can now compete in the European Masters Games, but they won't have another one until 2011... guess I should start training, eh?) Plus, the big event I requested -- all you can eat wings at Quaker Steak and Lube -- isn't happening until the 21st.
But at any event, the 35th recognition of my birth lends itself to looking back, or perhaps looking forward. It's not a thing I do often or relish doing when the mood strikes, and I'm not sure why. Some people are able to look back at the events of their lives and are able to detect themes, progressions, etc. (Such people probably are able to draft killer resumes as well.) But don't mistake my reluctance to delve extensively into my past as an admittance of dissappointment, or any kind of regrets. I have a great marriage, a job I enjoy going to most days, a house and a lot that I own, two pets that adore (and annoy from time to time!) and a bevy of family and friends. No major health calamaties (although the top of my left foot hurts like a bitch for some reason!) no financial sword of Damocles hanging overhead, no chemical addictions or illegal activities, etc etc. I've got a damn good life in sum, although I'm certain if a random soul stepped into my life for a day, they would be bored out of their skull. Some see their lives as peaks, valleys and a crater every now and again; I'm perfectly OK with my life being the equivalent to driving through Iowa -- flat and predictable.
Granted, much of that is not having foster kids for the past 2 months, and that will begin anew, hopefully soon. But even with kids, I strive to be the even keel, the calm lake, the safe harbor. (With a lot of our placements, it's either a philosophy they like and/or they need.) But should I have a bigger picture goal, a personal achievement I can treat as a finish line? Or, perhaps more telling, should I really be bothered that I don't have one and don't feel the need for one?
Now when I was a kid, I had a few things on my mind in terms of my future. Some days I wanted to write or draw comic books; later on I wanted to be a rock'n'roller. From 1987 or so on, I had a hankering to be a pro wrestler here and there. In college, I studied and attained a degree in journalism but every experience I had with "real" news didn't gibe with me. I did quite well doing entertainment writing, but several attempts to seek employment through that never matieralized. My childhood interests all had logical obstacles to them -- a career in rock would be a struggle with no instrumental aptitude and a voice that sounded like Kermit the Frog going through puberty. My interest in funnybooks waned when comics got to be over $1 per issue, but my drawing skill had atropied well before then. As far as the wrasslin, I had some of the mind but none of the body (and didn't have the discipline to correct the latter.) Plus, having a good friend actually run a local promotion allowed me to see a little into the "inside" of the biz, and from that determined I did not have the skin to handle some of the stuff that goes on outside the ring. Right now, I'd still love to write, and reading a crap ton of books in the past few years gives me a little confidence (i.e. "Holy hell, **I** could write something better than that!") The hurdle now is the subject, the message. But aiming for the shelves of bookstores and libraries nationwide is pretty daunting.
OK, I do have a minor dream and goal but the concept at its ideal is ambiticious to an unwieldy degree. I would like to have an entirely self-written music website, which would consist of my reviews of as many albums as I could. I like sites like the All-Music Guide and Pitchfork but how many dozens of people oversee and review stuff, all of whom have totally different agendas and philosophies as to what's "good" and "bad." There are sites where only one person deleves into their collection (the sadly defunct Only Dreaming and another one I can't find now) but this one will be mine. I'd have a chat board where I would have a monthly discussion topic, and essays on various things. I'd also have a spot where I review the music books I read. Plus, I could have my CD diary up for all to see. In total, it would be the music universe as seen through my eyes, and a good place for music junkies to hang out. I know thnaks to my wife I could get the space an d she could do the hard programming stuff, but I would not even want it up until I have a good 500 or so reviews, and unless I find a way to split myself in half, getting them written is gonna take time.
See how wrapped up I got in that? Hmmm, maybe I can put that on the back burner. But even if I don't, I'm looking at 35, and it looks pretty good to me. Could be a lot worse....
